How Low Self Esteem Impacts on a Marriage

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A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.

As a marriage counsellor I meet all kinds of individuals. All of them coming with their own challenges and frustrations. I have observed that individuals who have low self-esteem require a lot more reassurance and support. One or two sessions will never suffice. What is needed is a building up of self-esteem which is a gradual process. If all goes well then there is self-belief and a positive outlook on life. It is said that you do not see the world as it is but as you are…

In a marriage situation for example even though your spouse is faithful and trustworthy you become suspicious if he /she comes home later than expected. In fact you become convinced that he/she is having an extra-marital affair. This suspicion and unfounded mistrust leads to arguments. You can become a control freak not allowing your spouse to be his/her normal self.
Parents are critical in this regard. Sadly many parents erode the self-esteem of their children by amongst other things diminishing them.

So what should parents do to enhance the self-esteem of their children?

  • Love your children unconditionally.
  • Accept them for who they are.
  • Give them the attention they deserve.
  • Play with them.
  • Give them self-belief.
  • Appreciate them.
  • Give them boundaries.
  • Hug them.
  • Listen to them with empathy.
  • Allow them to make mistakes.
  • Forgive them.
  • Give them positive attributes.

Chances are that when someone hates on you, it’s not about you at all. It’s about them. It’s their fear, their jealously, their boredom, and their insecurity.

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