Experience is not so much what happens to you but rather what you do to what happens to you – Aldous Huxley

All of us have opportunities every day to learn about ourselves and of course others. The following incident that took place many years ago is a case in point.

I was a fledgling teacher of English in a particular school. I was very popular with the students, parents and teachers. I probably was teaching at the school for a month or so, when I was asked to do relief teaching in another class. The students requested that I teach them Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. I only realize the impact I had when I learnt that the students as a group marched to the office the same day insisting that I should be their teacher. Under normal circumstances one may argue that this was a reasonable request. In fact this was a turning point in my relationship with the headmaster and the teacher in question, precisely because the headmaster and the teacher were great friends and lived in the same neighborhood. Worse, still the headmaster had aspirations for the promotion of the teacher in question. Suddenly, my work was subjected to scrutiny. The headmaster summoned for my books, visited my class and the teacher in question who was the acting head of department did nothing to intervene or support me. Character assassination and carping were the order of the day. I shared my concerns with my mentor, who said to me why are you crying about the inadequacies of others.

This gave me some respite. I was, however, determined to adopt a new persona etc. in school until a friend of mine shared a story that his father shared with him. Wow, this was going to be a turning point. Every morning the customer used to go to the corner shop, greet the owner and purchase the newspaper. On three occasions a friend of his accompanied him to the shop. He said to him, ’I do not understand you, you greet the owner with a smile and the owner is so sullen and he does not even greet you back.’  Look at this response. His friend said to him that the owner of the shop should not tell him how he should behave towards him. Wow, yes wow. Most of us allow others to determine how we should behave towards them. Armed with this new insight, I ensured that I should not allow the headmaster or the teacher to dictate to me or influence my behaviour.

My normal affable self was somewhat disarming to them. So my friend, when someone stops talking to you or treats you in a negative way, be your normal good self.

Do not allow anyone to crawl underneath your skin.